I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
