So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
