I puked a lego.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
