I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Don't make out with my wife yet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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