so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
