i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
