Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
