I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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