I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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