Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
