I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
