I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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