he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
