This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
