Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
