$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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