i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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