Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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