you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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