You're completely useless in the revolution.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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