We won't sleep together?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
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I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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