No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
