Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
