He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
