living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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