Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
