Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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