I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
