a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
