During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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