Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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