There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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