I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
