haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
