I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
