I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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