yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
