Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
