It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sober January is a disaster.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
