"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize