but the lizard people decide everything anyway
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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