He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
