oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
