what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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