It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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