the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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