It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
