Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
