Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i now understand why vodka
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
