Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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