I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
