either way he was missing a nipple.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
