He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
