Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
