i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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