I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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