Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
