I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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