this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
