Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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