Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
