You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
