i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
