I feel like abortions should bother me more
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
