I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
