you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
