I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
