Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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