4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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