Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
