i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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