From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
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So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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