R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
