Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
